Music/Features

Here’s every lead in the #WhoBitBeyonce mystery

Sink your teeth into the list of suspects.

March 28, 2018

For the uninitiated, #WhoBitBeyonce (or, “bite-gate”, in offline vernacular) stems from an interview Tiffany Haddish gave to GQ wherein she detailed a party of Beyoncé’s that she attended where the hostess was bitten— yes, the thing with teeth that you do to food—by an unnamed actress.

Beyoncé brushed off the incident, talking Haddish down from a brawl with the biter by saying, in her words “Tiffany, no. Don’t do that. That bitch is on drugs. She not even drunk. The bitch is on drugs. She not like that all the time. Just chill”, probably thinking that was the end of it. But then this week when Haddish spilled these facts, fans went back to an Instagram of the two where Beyoncé is hiding a potentially a bite-blemished face, and, well, everything exploded.

The Knowles-Carter side of things has been especially quiet, with sources claiming that Beyoncé “thinks it’s sweet people are so concerned, but also doesn’t want to make life hard for the person that did it”. The Internet, on the other hand, in predictably internet fashion, has taken the opposite approach and plastered all channels of social media with theories as to #WhoBitBeyonce.

The closest thing we have to a suspect list are the betting odds regarding the culprit from Irish booking site PaddyPower, which at the time of this writing had Lena Dunham sitting comfortably at the top. Despite any truth this list would point toward, Dunham denies having ever tasted Beyoncé-cheek before:

https://twitter.com/lenadunham/status/978821223827234816

The next big clue is a tweet from Chrissy Teigen, who at first claimed they knew who the person was, and that they were “the worst”:

Only to later reveal the biter to in fact be a different person entirely…

Regardless of whether or not the person in question is the worst, Teigen’s refusal to name names has been deemed an active crime against the Beyhive:

https://twitter.com/FBEYI4/status/978368800528662528

And although Teigen’s comments have an unfortunate vagueness to them that places them in the way of the scandalous story fans are demanding, one twitter user thinks they found a few hints in her statements:

https://twitter.com/Maytte_Horan/status/978449664566546432

Speaking of ‘Scandal’, this guy has the right two people in mind for the case. #TrueDetectiveSeason3, perhaps?

Alright, I get it. “Where are the facts!? Who tried to eat our Queen?!”, you demand. For anything in the way of cold, hard evidence, let’s turn our eyes back to those betting odds – specifically number 2 on the list, “Love and Basketball” star Sanaa Lathan. Now although she also tweeted out a denial of the incident, note the presence of an OJ-esque “If I did it” clause:

https://twitter.com/justsanaa/status/978395345918021634

Of course that’s not enough to go off of, but we can contextualize it within a fact regarding this story that Haddish apparently spilled during a comedy show earlier this year:

Did Lathan date French Montana?

Well, they “hung out for a minute”, at least. And given the broad definition of “dating” these days, this constellation of half-facts and vague statements might be as close as we get to the truth until Beyoncé decides to make her next album all about “Becky With the Good Teeth”, or at least Quincy Jones’ next interview:

 

 

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