Mark Hoppus, beloved manchild and proud owner of an Urban Dictionary-defined haircut, runs a tight ship on Twitter. His staunch, unashamed dedication to dad jokes has made for a venerated social media presence, one which overfloweth with top-notch puns, neighbourhood barbecue banter and khaki-panted quips. In service of the greater good and the betterment of society, we took a deep dive through the noted blink-182 bassist’s Twitter account to compile his very best and brightest dad jokes for your reading and pity-laughing pleasure.
Oh, I get it.
How does Adele answer the phone?!
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) May 20, 2017
Dad stop.
Shouldn't it just be "America HAS Talent?"
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) May 19, 2017
Seriously dad you’re embarrassing me.
The Ballad of Moana Lisa
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) May 12, 2017
Cringe.
fine. blink one eggy two.
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) May 9, 2017
More like “Grand Theft NOT-o”
I'm kind of a hipster so I prefer Autumn Out Boy.
what do you want from me?
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) May 3, 2017
My favourite Foster The People song, “Waxed-Off Pubes”
https://twitter.com/markhoppus/status/859559270790070272
The best president.
This whole time I thought his name was A Blinkin.
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) April 30, 2017
Dogs were invented in 1974 when a dad dropped a potato chip and refused to pick it up.
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) April 16, 2017
Updog Content Pt.1: Twenty-One Pilots are the poets of our generation.
https://twitter.com/markhoppus/status/838421452143538176
This is….. true.
The Sorting Hat seems like bad hygienic practice.
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) December 23, 2016
Really makes you think……..
HOW DOES CHEWBACCA KNOW WHERE TO STOP SHAVING HIS PUBIC HAIR?!
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) December 31, 2013
“I Miss You” Remix Pt. 1
Don't waste
Your time
On me
Hey, Thin Lizzy
The boys are back in town— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) December 20, 2016
Peak Dad.
The collective noun for a group of millennials is called a Vape.
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) July 21, 2016
Ughhhhh.
When Tom Hiddleston tried to go incognito he's low-key Loki. Send.
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) March 28, 2016
Peak Dad Pt. 2
[trying to bond with son]
Dang it, Daniel! Wearing the white shoes again I see!!— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) March 25, 2016
“Is Mark Hoppus Eddie Vedder’s dad?: An Investigation”
One time I mistakenly called Eddie Vedder "daughter" and he wrote a whole song about it.
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) February 7, 2016
This is an objectively terrible tweet but it has almost 6000 retweets.
new band idea: 22 pilots.
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) October 30, 2015
Wow…..
if banksy married elizabeth banks and took her last name his name would be banksy banks.
really makes you think…
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) September 9, 2015
Peak Dad Pt. 3
i don't get it. how do they milk the almonds?
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) August 21, 2015
Whomst’ve
"Um, actually it should be WHOM." -me, talking to an owl.
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) June 6, 2015
Updog Content Pt. 2: Frozen Version.
https://twitter.com/markhoppus/status/591604981137936385
Peak Dad Pt. 4
Good cop: I'M GOING IN!!
Dad cop: Hi Going In, I'm dad. Nice to meet you.— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) April 13, 2015
Mark Hoppus imagining other rockstars as dads.
https://twitter.com/markhoppus/status/582298774942457856
“I Miss You” Remix Pt. 2
Don't waste
Your time
On me
You're all sweaty
And gross inside my bed— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) November 6, 2016
True to form, Mark Hoppus is a dad at heart.
Okay people I need to get food for my wife and son thanks for all the great questions. Good talk. See you out there.
— Mark Hoppus (@markhoppus) May 20, 2017