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Alice in Chains’ Jerry Cantrell gives the band’s blogger his old toilet

July 7, 2016

You can't make this sh*t up.

If you’re into grunge at all, then you know Jerry Cantrell is the man. While Alice in Chains‘ sound tends more towards alternative metal and the ‘grunge’ classification mostly arose due to their hailing from Seattle, the band parlayed the attention into a buttload of albums sold – largely thanks to Cantrell’s compositions and prowess as both a lead guitarist and co-lead singer.

But Cantrell isn’t just a killer musician. Apparently he’s quite the philanthropist. Alice in Chains’ official Tumblr blog is run by a dude called ‘The Baldy,’ and in one of his recent posts, he shared the following:

[quote]”Well, I’m behind the scenes, and I can tell you that the members of Alice In Chains, both collectively and individually, do nice things for people all of the time. I’m actually pretty impressed by what these guys have done over the years. They’ve helped a lot of people and a lot of causes in a lot of different ways, and I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that some of what they’ve done may have even helped save a life or two.”[/quote]

Wow… that’s some heavy stuff. So it might surprise you to find out that the above passage was just a footnote to quite another topic. It might further surprise you that the other topic was the fact that Jerry Cantrell was gifting The Baldy his old shitter. Say wha? Well, I have to agree with Baldy – beginning a blog post with “Jerry Cantrell offered to give me his toilet” is a literary masterstroke. I mean, there’s no way I’m not going to keep reading at that point. He almost loses us by diving right into a next-level humblebrag, however:

[quote]”I’m writing this from the Concierge Lounge on the 24th floor of the Ritz Carlton hotel. What’s the concierge lounge? It’s like the VIP section of an already exclusive club. And let’s not kid ourselves. I don’t belong here. But when you swim in the wake of a famous rock band, you get to take advantage of the perks from time to time.”[/quote]

Kudos on your fortune, sir. Thankfully, he realizes why we’re here and returns to the tale de toilette. Hilariously, it’s just a hella-weird version of the everyday “Hey, you want this? I’m getting a new one and don’t need it anymore” story.

[pullquote]”Well, it turns out that there are a wide variety of toilets out there, and much to my surprise, there’s actually a massive price disparity between your average toilet and the really upscale models… So Jerry is offering to give me a really nice toilet because he’s replacing it with a REALLY nice toilet.”[/pullquote]

Jerry Cantrell: songwriter, guitarist, singer, philanthropist – and gifter of primo poopers. I knew there was something I liked about that guy.

[h/t Consequence of Sound]

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