Listen, Walmart. We ain’t even going to hate: Sure, as a giant, globe-spanning corporation, you absolutely change local economies. But we’re not Adbusters, here. And to be honest, we selfishly appreciate the fact that we can get, like, 800 pairs of socks, a family-sized package of ranch Combos, and a pair of boot-cut Wranglers for less than $30. In the biz, that’s what we call a fucking steal.
And just as almost every megalithic corporation wants to get cool with fellow kids (Unilever, swag swag swag!), Walmart has, for EIGHT YEARS, had a live music series called the Walmart Soundcheck.
Still, we never asked for this. All we wanted was a 18-pack of XXXL Joe Boxer undergarments. But since we’re your biggest brand advocates, let’s party, Walmart.
Seether is like the post-grunge version of Styx: No, we haven’t heard of them in years, but yes, they’re still around. Styx may eke out a respectable living working the casino circuit, but Seether’s got the Walmart Soundcheck market on lock.
For Walmart, it’s a pretty big deal that they landed Lenny Kravitz for their music video series. But we’re not sure why, on their website, they’ve listed him under their hip-hop category.
Kelly Rowland, too.
Boyz II Men
Legendary R&B crooners Boyz II Men under the rap category. But then there are only five genres—country, rock, pop, hip-hop, and latin.
Ah, time for that #realhiphop. Like, uh, Jason Derulo—who, after watching the video above, you should totally learn how to draw.
Adele’s likely sold a kajillion albums at Walmart, so it’s only fitting that she did the mega-retailer a solid by appearing on Soundcheck.
Once upon a time, Korn’s risque, downtuned metal might’ve been to risqué for a big-box retailer. But now that Brian “Head” Welch has found Christ, the band may be able to tap into the Christian rock market—which, like, ka ching.
Speaking of the Christian rock market, you don’t even need to go to specialty tores to find the latest Ghoti Hook record. Nah, Walmart’s got you covered—and they’ve even got Scott Stapp there, performing a song off of Proof of Life.
Speaking of Godmen, Lifehouse has played multiple sessions at Walmart Soundcheck. We’re straight-up down with Lifehouse, though, because “Hanging By a Moment” was a straight jam, even if it was a worship song masquerading as a love song. (Hint: When the band sings about “falling even more in love with you,” they’re actually talking about the big J.) Here’s a song that, sadly, isn’t “Hanging by a Moment.”
Annnnd here’s Nickelback singing a song that’s about driving cars fast.
OK, Walmart Soundcheck isn’t about to rest its hat on a Kroegerian badman track. Instead, here’s a sensi interview with Drake—who, we’re hoping, will license OVO shirts to Walmart. We stopped by the OVO pop-up shop last weekend, and like, yo, we’re loving those prints, but we can’t afford a $40 shirt, Drizzy.
Wait, is that Age of Electric’s Todd Kerns sharing the Soundcheck stage with Slash? Bro, you’re a long way from Estevan, SK.
But of course, Walmart and Pitbull go deep.