Music/Features

10 songs you shouldn’t play at your wedding

Sep 16, 2016

Maybe skip these tracks if you're planning to live happily ever after.

It’s that magical moment where you’re realizing your life together; single you becomes a thing of the past. You’ve invited all your favourite people to help eat, drink and be merry on the special occasion. It’s your wedding day, and hooray: you’re hitched.

Up next comes the music. There are tracks that you and your significant other feel necessary to play, but there are also some songs that you really shouldn’t. 

Here are 10 songs that you shouldn’t play at your wedding. Or do, and see what happens.

Papa Roach – “Last Resort”

It’s probably not the best idea to ring in your wedding day with a song that spits lyrics like: “Cut my life into pieces/ this is my last resort / suffocation/ no breathing/ don’t give a f*** if I cut my arm bleeding”.

Not only is this supposed to a happy day, but it is supposed to at least look like you know you’re making the right decision, not having a complete breakdown. Also, you don’t need to relive a teenage angst moment in front of your mom and pops.

They remember, don’t worry.

Kanye West – “Gold Digger”

This could go either way: It could be a silly “let’s just get everyone to dance” song, but it could also go horribly wrong and insinuate an inappropriate or unfavourable message. “Gold Digger” just has too many words in it that can start fights and who wants this to happen on their wedding day? 

Wilco – “I Am Trying to Break Your Heart”

Taken from Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, this song presents some profound lyrics, but of love loss, not gained. Everyone has a past, but when people are tapping glasses to your future, it’s probably best to keep the inner turmoil caused by your ex to yourself… Unless your ex is now your partner and you’re looking back at a time you shared once, maybe? Still, save the sentimental for songs that are a hat tip to your current happiness, not of that burnt heart.

Nine Inch Nails – “Closer”

Years back my J-school classmates and I were told to go “experience” MuchonDemand, and as one of the many random show segments, a question was asked live: “What’s the last song you swapped spit to?” The microphone came to me and my deadpan response was “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails. It was a joke, completely, but not one I’d suggest pulling at a wedding. It may have gotten laughs at that time, but the raunchy, evocative nature of the song may not fair well with parents, especially when their kids start reciting it to their pals.

Hank Williams – “Your Cheating Heart”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtGM6WBcsX0

Let’s face it: most of us have cheated or been cheated on, or think we’ve been cheated on—it’s life, but not something you need to share to hundreds of people there to sing your praises. When it comes to infidelity, it’s best to keep that chapter closed. Dear Hank seems to have some serious sadness when it comes to weddings, his song “Wedding Bells” is another example of a reluctant soul definitely not bathing in wedding bliss.

Rammstein – “Du Hast”

Sure, this German band often speaks in metaphors and double meanings, but this is not the time to play around with connotations. In “Du Hast,” Til Lindremann sings about what can be argued as an arranged marriage situation, or at least a marriage that he does not favour. Typically, when vows are exchanged you say ‘I do’, but in this song it’s narrated “Nein” and in German that means ‘no’. Others argue that the song is about oppression, not marriage, but again, is your wedding really the battleground for this? Nein.

The Village People – “Y.M.C.A.”

Just no. No one needs to see your families dancing to The Village People. 

Mentors – “Adultery”

You may be a big fan of these shock rockers, but this is definitely a NSFWedding song, one that doesn’t need to be blasting over the system while everyone awkwardly sips their wine.  Even if you try to focus on the incredible guitar solos, you can’t help but also hear: “It’s our secret between just you and me/ That we love to commit adultery.” It’s safe to say a song that’s called “Adultery” should be a given no-no at a wedding.

Eminem – “Puke”

Nothing screams “kiss me” more than the sound of someone loudly puking, which is how this 2004 track opens. Never shy about telling you exactly what he thinks, Eminem used this song to express his utter disgust of (we assume) a woman, perhaps his ex, and how much thinking of her makes him more than a wee bit nauseous. While it may not be a top contender for a wedding, judging by the YouTube comments, it’s a solid breakup “in your face” song to send to your former partner.

The pop song of the year…

It was a huge hit in the mainstream, we get it, but no one really wants to hear Lorde “Royals” anymore or Black Eyed Peas “I Gotta A Feeling,” or Justin Bieber “Sorry.” Leave the overplayed tracks for a day you really want to annoy someone, and if you’re going to opt for popular songs, choose wisely.

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