Culture/TV

Here’s 100 band names inspired by Letterkenny

August 11, 2017

Letterkenny's gold is waiting to be mined.

There’s a crisis in musicland and it’s got nothing to do with streaming, lack of venues or Arcade Fire fidget spinners — we’re running out of good band names. Just look at this year’s Warped Tour lineup. Microwave, Hundredth, Lakeshore, Movements, Separations… these are so-so band names that make for terrible search results.

Luckily, help has arrived from an unlikely source.

Letterkenny, Crave TV’s hilarious sociological study of smalltown Ontario’s hicks, skids, jocks and degens, is ripe with potential new band names. The dialogue on the show pops with alternatingly awkward and amazing alliterative allegories, the exact sort of poetics that make for memorable catchphrases and, potentially, even more memorable stage sobriquets.

The dialogue on the show pops with alternatingly awkward and amazing alliterative allegories

Who among us can’t imagine “I Hate The World, I Hate My Parents, I Hate Myself” as a ’00s screamo revivalist act? “Delete Yourself” as confrontational industrial-EDMers optimized for Twitter outrage? “Hipster Dandy” as self-aware cravat ‘n’ mustached Father John Misty surrogates? Or “Hold My Spitter” as cocksure cow-punk hoedown machines? With this in mind we watched and rewatched the six episodes of Letterkenny season three with the goal of extracting the best (and sometimes most peculiar) potential band names from things its characters said on the show. Make sure to let us know if you’re bringing Figure It Out to town any time soon.

Grab your pencil and strap in.

100 Best Band Names Based On Letterkenny Season 3 Dialogue

100) Big Picture, The
99) Shred The Red
98) Get After It
97) I Appreciates This
96) Angie Bo Peepers
95) Smile Your On Camera *
94) Camopudge
93) My Big Fat Thumb
92) Grumpy Blumpy
91) Bad Gas Travels Fast
90) Forecheck Backcheck Paycheque
89) Dallas Buyers Tub
88) Chirping From The Bench
87) Texas Sized Ten-Four
86) Snooters ‘n’ Such
85) Nelly Furtaco
84) Sled Shack
83) Pulls A Pike
82) You’re Not Supposed To Fart In Front Of Girls
81) Selfish Hockey
80) King Kong Coilers
79) Modean’s 2
78) Bundle Of Sass
77) Players Only Meeting
76) Fishin’ In Quebec
75) Battle For Bonnie McMurray, The
74) Notchin’
73) Ice In The Urinals
72) Puppers
71) Sledding Season
70) To Be Fair
69) Two Dollar Cans
68) Inappropriate Farts
67) Pregame Sandos
66) Enter Through The Back Door
65) Too Much Butt Talk
64) Don’t Honk At Girls
63) Fifty Per Cent Mental, Fifty Per Cent Being Mental **
62) Arctic Activities
61) Overcoats And Overshoes
60) Fake Gays To Lure The Degens
59) Junk Hiders
58) Degen Blinds
57) A Sled Is A Snowmobile, A Snowmobile Is A Sled
56) Environmentally Enslaved
55) Isolated And Insulated
54) How’re You Now?
53) Pheasants
52) Losers Live Life Locked In Their Layers
51) WWGD (What Would Gae Do)
50) Penchant For Mischief
49) Mutant Bobblehead Turtleneck
48) Low Bones
47) Operation Gae
46) Sick Ostrich
45) I’m So Fat
44) Beating Your Opponent Mentally
43) Haitian Taco
42) Stuart, Roald, Connor, Gary & Devon ^
41) Allanus Morissette
40) Hipster Dandy
39) Falling Apart On The Inside
38) Stinkbombs Devon
37) Hysterics Are Fruitless
36) Shep & Kingsley
35) Late Night Loitering
34) Jivin’ Pete
33) Billet Sister
32) One More Chore
31) Leg Day
30) My Mom Is Such A Twat
29) Riley: Bush Inspector
28) Bonnie McMurray Hot Tub Party
27) Mailbox Mayhem
26) I’m Gae
25) Snotlicker
24) Professor Tricia
23) Homophobists
22) Chunkmaster Flex
21) Puck Bunny
20) Hold My Spitter
19) Clown Sundown
18) Nice Microns
17) Legend Of The Wind
16) Whoa, Bonnie McMurray
15) Figure It Out
14) Shirttucker
13) Pain Is Inevitable
12) First Girl Phase
11) Cops Are Mushrooms
10) Continental Intercolonial Clown Posse
9) Textbook Dad Noise
8) Warcraft All Over My Manshaft
7) Delete Yourself
6) Hostile Tone
5) Barts, Yorky, Shultzy, Fisky & Boomtown ^
4) I Hate The World, I Hate My Parents, I Hate Myself
3) Smoke Bomb Ninja Dust
2) F.A.K.U. (Freaks Acting Krazy United)
1) Degens From Up Country

* “Your” is intentional
** Stylized as “50/50 Mental” on tees
^ All merch in helvetica font

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